Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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