I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
