I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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