wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
