i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
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She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
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She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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