I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
