I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
