Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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