i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
