90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
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