I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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