Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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