Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
