How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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