i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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