I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i out mim tonsoeep
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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