wrigley field is MILF paradise
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I would ride that face into the sunset
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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