i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
