I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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