fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
