dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize