I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
