I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
