i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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