I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
