i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
