I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
