i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
