My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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