They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
