I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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