is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
