Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
