hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
