yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
