I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
