i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
