i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
