did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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