i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I believe in your delicious
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
