Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
