im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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