Just fell off a train. Bad.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
