So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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