you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
