Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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