i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
