Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
