Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
