I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize