So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
