the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
