they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
