I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
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You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
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oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?