No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me