My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
