My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.