just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex