Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?