theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
