why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
As shirtless as possible
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
