I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
