a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
