In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
