i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
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I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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