I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
