Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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