I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
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It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
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You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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