How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
