My Higher Power is John Stamos
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
why do cheetos always look like penises
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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