youre lurking in front of me
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
