sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize