You just made me feel so damn special
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
