Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He better not be in your backpack
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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