im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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