when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
