i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
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You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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