Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
